Confession time!
I started a small business last night......and I have no idea what I am doing.
For the last year, I have been asking God and the Holy Universe, "What ELSE am I supposed to be doing? God, has blessed me with so many wonderful talents. He has given me so many wonderful opportunities in my life. I have always needed a goal, and now, I just feel creatively stuck!
In effort to plan my next adventure, I spent some time pondering my strengths and weaknesses.
I can dance, I can sing, I can poorly play the guitar and the ukulele, I am business minded, I have a plethora of job skills, I have worked MANY jobs, I can adapt easily to ANY environment....
(As I am typing this, I am thinking of that scene from the Notebook where Noah is trying to convince Allie to go out on a date with him. )
.....I am well spoken, I am educated and applying for more education like a crazy fool. I am KIND, I am SMART, I am IMPORTANT.....(name that movie!).
I am a mother.
I have spent the latter part of my life dancing professionally. I spent a brief amount of time in Los Angeles and New York, and the majority of my performing days were spent right here in the great state of Texas.
Hollywood wasn't for me. That lifestyle didn't jam well with my fairly wholesome Southern upbringing. I had a short stint on national television and a few other great opportunities. I wanted to stay, but Hollywood always gave me unsettling, weird vibes. I never understood the sacrifices (some I had to question the direction of their moral compass), that a few of my peers were making to be successful in the dog-eat-dog culture of Los Angeles. I watched some friends become extremely successful, while others wilted away in self discovery inside their tiny, over-priced apartments they shared with five other people. L.A......in all of its Hollywood glory just wasn’t for me. You either made it or you didn’t, or you lost your dignity trying.
I still love to visit Los Angeles and take a dance class or two. I still imagine what it’s like to wake up every day and arrive on set to shoot a movie. I still have dreams to dance back-up for Justin Timberlake.
In spite of its flaws, I think L.A. is still a fairly awesome place, and I love watching friends make their dreams come true.
New York?
Oh, my sweet dear beautiful New York. She is like the best friend that I don't get to see as often as I would like. New York moves my soul. New York moves my spirit. New York clogs my arteries with the most delicious pizza in the entire world. The vibes, the lights, the love, the power, the energy.....the street hot dogs. GAH! The street hot dogs! I don't care what they're made of and I don't want to know. All I know is that it is a tradition for me to purchase a damned street hot dog every time I go to New York. I feel patriotic in New York. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw in New York. I just feel..... alive.
Yet, I sit here in Spring, Texas.
New York didn't work out for me for one reason and one reason only.
*DEEP BREATH FOR THE REALITY THAT KILLS MY SPIRIT*
I didn't have the courage.
A lot of major decisions in our lives are built around courage. The decision to be in a relationship, to trust, to love, to get married, to have babies, to make a major purchase....all of these things require some sort of bravery. Today, with COVID-19 (I could have gone this whole entry without mentioning this wretched thing), we are required to conjure up whatever courage we have inside of us to simply go to the grocery store. The times are strange, heartbreaking, and so melancholy.
SO, how did I get here, and WHY would I even think about starting a small business during a PANDEMIC whilst every business and their mama is going bankrupt!?
I'll share more about my inspiration behind wanting to create custom jewelry in the future. We will talk about identity, discovering who you are, and have other conversations that pair well with coffee or wine.
I'll be honest, you guys, the only real feeling I have felt here in the last month?
....DUMB.
Yet, I digress.
Sometimes, the dumbest ideas turn out to be the best experiences of our lives. While death is knocking on our door, I can't think of a better time to LIVE life and take the fearless plunge into shark infested waters of uncertainty. As we have lost thousands of lives this year, it is more imperative than ever to realize that we are never promised tomorrow.
Whether this little endeavor of mine will turn out to be successful, or whether I will fail miserably and end up in thousands of dollars worth of debt, I am unsure. I do know that I am tired of being afraid of pursuing the things that God has put on my heart.
So, here we go.
I'm excited to share this little journey with you.
Welcome to the Wesley James Company.
Cheers,
Lindsay Graham
(....like the Senator....only not spelled the same)